I'm typing this on my laptop in a hotel room at a Christian Conference Center in New Mexico. The reason I am typing this is to share what happened tonight with others, and archive something public that I will be held accountable for before I forget it.
This is not about legalism, dumping out any beer that might be in my fridge, or burning all of my books, but is about being ministered to directly by the Holy Spirit, and realizing what has been missing from my walk with God.
Tonight we had an awesome message by pastor Dave Row, who was talking about David and Bathsheba. He discussed a lot of great points, but the overall theme that I got from it was that we have to be ready, we have to be prepared, and we have to be continually fighting the good fight in order to avoid falling when we least expect it.
No serious opponent in battle will attack when their foe's defenses are at their strongest. They will wear them down, cut off food supplies if necessary, and will prevent them from gaining a defensive advantage. Once the foe's defenses are at their weakest, the enemy will attack, and will most likely succeed.
As a Christian, my defenses are the weakest when I think I don't need them, or when I forget that I'm in a battle altogether. As a human being living and breathing, we are involved in a battle, whether we want to be or not. As a Christian, we are fighting on the winning side. But just because we are on the winning side, doesn't mean that we ourselves are making a positive impact on the battle. In fact, I believe Christians can have a negative impact on the battle unless they are properly focused on God and fully engaged in the battle.
As a human being, I have a default nature (as we all do), and that default nature wants to be satisfied. It wants to be comfortable, and it wants to feel good. God has graciously been protecting me against the most common pitfall to men, which is sexual immorality, but there are still other areas of the battle that I didn't know where anywhere near the battle. My time and my efforts.
I just started reading an awesome book series by C.S. Lewis, and have really enjoyed the few times I've found to sit down and read it. I also have taken up juggling and might soon start a juggling ministry at my church. These are not bad things. In fact, they can be good things, when done according to God's timetables and God's order of priority.
I have not been having daily bible studies, and I have not been leading my wife in daily prayer and bible studies. If I'm not reading the word of God, why am I reading the words of men? If I'm not putting forth an effort to build the Kingdom of God, why am I putting forth an effort to learn to juggle?
Is my focus on my self, or on God?
My wife and I have confronted ourselves on this recently, and we have both been convicted to put our focus on God. Unfortunately, I've let myself get lazy, complacent, and comfortable. I don't feel Satan attacking me like he has in the past, but that's because he is probably simply putting me very slowly and cautiously to sleep, hoping I won't notice.
I didn't notice. Until tonight.
I have been compromising in areas that I don't normally struggle with, and that aren't my primary focus. I always have memorized scripture on hand ready to quote when presented with even a hint of sexual immorality. I also use that scripture to avoid pride, greed, and a self-righteous attitude. Instead, I have been compromising in how I spend my time. When presented with the choice to read God's word, or to read an entertaining book, or watch a TV show, or work on my computer, I rarely choose God's word.
I strongly felt the Holy Spirit talking and ministering to me tonight, convicting me of these areas that are not normally a focus for me. I do not feel at all whatsoever that reading fiction and learning to juggle are wrong. I just know that letting my relationship with Christ "coast" is wrong.
By not striving to grow closer and closer to God, and behave more and more like Christ, I am simply putting back on the old self, when I need to die to self, and offer myself as a living sacrifice in all areas of my life, not just the times at work, or the times I'm presented with the temptation to get angry or bitter, but also when I'm presented with the temptation to spend my time in a manner that is not glorifying to God.
If what I'm doing is not to glorify God, then why am I doing it?
I specifically need to stop reading the books I'm reading, and stop watching TV, and stop working on my computer needlessly, and start reading the Word, responding to the Word, and putting on the Armor of God so I can daily take up my Cross and follow Christ.
When I have reached that point, then I will start reading books that I know will not compromize my walk with Christ.
This is not to say everyone should do this, but the Holy Spirit clearly pointed out to me that I need to re-evaluate how I spend my time, and whose glory I am seeking after. Is it my own, or is it God's?
